I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
