took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
