So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
