Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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