so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
