she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
