You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
