do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
