I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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