he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
