the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
