If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
