I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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