We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
