I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
