it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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