I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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