....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
