Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
