dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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