cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
