Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
