If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
