when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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