I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
