just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
