Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
