Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
