Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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