Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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