I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
