after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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