I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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