Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
