In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
