things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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