i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
