david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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