While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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