i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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