12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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