You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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