remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
