All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
