Will you blow on my dice?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
