i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
