Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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