wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
