i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
