He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My feet surprised me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
